When I first started mental coaching, I made a classic rookie mistake—I assumed I knew the problem before truly understanding my student’s experience. I would jump straight into solutions, eager to help, without fully grasping what they were going through.
At first, I thought I was doing my job well. I was giving solid advice, offering mindset strategies, and pushing my students to improve. But something felt off. Some students weren’t fully engaged. Others nodded along but never applied what we discussed. I wasn’t building the trust I needed to make a real impact.
The Shift: Clarity Before Coaching
Over time, I realized the missing piece—clarity. Instead of assuming the problem, I started asking better questions, listening more deeply, and seeking alignment before offering guidance. I stopped trying to "fix" and focused on understanding.
This shift changed everything. My students felt heard, and as a result, they became more open to learning. The trust we built made my coaching more effective, and they started applying what we worked on with real results.
Techniques to Build Clarity and Trust
If you’re a coach—or just someone who wants to improve relationships—here’s how you can apply this in your own work and life:
Ask Better Questions
Instead of assuming what’s wrong, ask:
"What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now?"
"What does success look like for you?"
"When do you feel most stuck?"
Let them tell you what they need before offering solutions.
Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
Don’t rush to give advice.
Reflect back what you hear: "So it sounds like you're feeling pressure to perform, but you're not sure how to manage it?"
This shows you’re engaged and helps them feel validated.
Slow Down the Teaching Process
People resist advice when they don’t feel understood.
Take time to align with their experience before offering solutions.
The more they feel heard, the more receptive they’ll be.
Check for Alignment
Before moving forward, ask, "Does this sound like the real challenge?"
If they don’t fully agree, keep exploring until you’re both clear.
Apply This to Everyday Relationships
Whether coaching, managing a team, or in personal relationships, people want to feel heard first.
If someone shares a problem, resist the urge to fix it right away.
Show them you understand before offering advice.
The Bottom Line
Building trust starts with clarity. The more you understand someone’s real challenge, the more aligned your guidance will be. And when people feel truly seen and heard, they’re far more likely to trust, engage, and grow.
Don’t make the mistake I did—slow down, get clear, and watch your impact grow.
