When Pain Knocks on Your Door
Don't let it in.
A few days ago, I sat down with Vito Bialla, the founder of Caddy Snacks.
If you’ve never met Vito, picture this: Ironman endurance triathlete. Purple Heart combat veteran. Entrepreneur. The kind of man who has lived more lives than most people read about.
We were talking about pressure and pain — how it can either crush you or sharpen you. That’s when Vito said something I’ll never forget:
"Pressure is a privilege. And so is pain."
That’s not something you hear every day.
Vito explained it like this.
When pain shows up — whether it’s physical in a race or mental in business — he imagines it as a person or thing. Something outside of himself. He talks to it. He calls it out. Sometimes he laughs at it.
"It tries to sneak up on me," he said, "especially on my last mile or when I’m about to break. That’s when I see it for what it is — an opponent. Not me. Not my identity. Just something trying to slow me down."
Psychologists call this externalization. It’s the process of separating yourself from the challenge you’re facing. You stop saying, “I’m in pain” and start saying, “Pain showed up.”
It’s a subtle shift, but the impact can be powerful.
It turns a foggy, emotional experience into something clear and manageable. You go from being inside the problem to standing outside it, looking at it objectively.
Golfers face this all the time.
Maybe it’s after a triple bogey. Maybe it’s when you’ve missed three 3-foot putts in a row. Maybe it’s on the back nine of a tournament when you start thinking, “I’m done.”
That’s pain talking.
When you externalize it, you can take the sting out of it by saying:
“Oh, hello frustration are you trying to show up? Well, not today.”
“Here comes doubt again, trying to get a seat at the table. Nope!”
“Fatigue is knocking, but I’m not opening the door.”
This works because your brain processes external threats differently than internal ones. External problems feel like they can be handled. Internal problems feel personal — and that’s when we spiral.
Vito didn’t just survive grueling endurance races or military combat because he’s tough. He survived because he refused to make pain part of his identity.
The next time you feel the pressure building — on the course, in the boardroom, or in life — try this:
Name the pain. Give it an identity, a face or a name (even a ridiculous one works).
See it as separate from you.
Decide how you’ll respond to it in the moment.
When you do this, pain becomes less of a weight and more of a sparring partner. And like Vito says, that my friend is a privilege.
Your Mental Coach,
Dr. Mat