The Day She Fell Apart — And Learned to Rise
I could tell she had been crying….
She stood by the putting green, arms crossed, hat pulled low to hide her face. Her dad hovered nearby, unsure whether to console her or give her space.
I’d seen this moment before—many times. A young golfer crushed after a tough round.
But this time felt different. She wasn’t just disappointed. She looked ashamed.
I walked over and sat down next to her.
“Rough day?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I just suck,” she mumbled.
There it was. The voice that breaks athletes from the inside. Not the missed putts or the bogeys. But the harsh inner critic that shows up when they’re vulnerable.
Here’s the thing. Most young female athletes are incredibly driven. They set high standards. They want to do well. But when things don’t go perfectly, they crumble—not because they’re weak, but because no one ever taught them how to fail well.
That’s where resilience comes in.
And no, resilience isn’t “just get over it.”
It’s not pushing emotions aside.
Resilience is the ability to feel the hard stuff—frustration, doubt, fear—and still move forward.
Step 1: Name It. Normalize It.
I turned to her and said, “You’re frustrated because you expected more of yourself. That makes sense.”
She looked at me like she didn’t expect that kind of response.
Most young athletes think they’re not allowed to feel bad. That if they’re strong, they’ll just shake it off.
But sports psychology tells us the opposite.
When we name the emotion and normalize the experience, the brain can regulate stress better. This is supported by research on emotional labeling and mindfulness. It calms the nervous system and reduces reactivity.
I told her, “Every great player has days like this. It doesn’t mean anything about who you are. It’s part of the game. Part of growing.”
Her shoulders dropped.
Step 2: The Kind Voice Exercise
I asked her:
“If your best friend had this round and felt like she sucked, what would you say to her?”
She thought for a second. “I’d say, ‘You’re still amazing. One bad round doesn’t change that.’”
“Exactly,” I said.
“Now, say that to yourself.”
She laughed a little. “That feels weird.”
It usually does at first. But science backs this up too. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that athletes who respond to failure with kindness—not self-criticism—bounce back faster, stay more motivated, and avoid burnout.
That day, she didn’t need a swing tip.
She needed to know it was okay to be human.
You want your daughter or player to be more resilient?
Teach her how to treat herself better when things fall apart.
Not with fluff. Not with fake positivity.
But with a real mental skill:
Naming her emotions
Normalizing her struggles
Speaking to herself like a teammate, not a bully
Join us this Thursday to Build Resilience Together!
This Thursday, MPGA is hosting a free webinar for parents, coaches, and athletes:
Building Resilience in Young Female Athletes
How to use self-compassion to create stronger, more confident competitors.
We’ll cover:
The science behind emotional strength
What actually helps young athletes grow resilience
Tools you can use right away in practice and life
Join us for free this Thursday April 10th at 5:00pm (PT) / 8:00pm (ET)
👉 Register here
Because in the end, it’s not the scorecard that defines her—it’s how she handles the days that don’t go her way. Teach her that skill, and you’re not just building a better athlete. You’re building a stronger human.