The moment doesn’t ask for your permission.
It shows up anyway… on the back nine when a drive leaks right, when a putt you’ve made a hundred times lips out, or when a round that felt solid suddenly turns sideways in two holes.
Every golfer knows this moment.
The one you didn’t plan for.
The one standing right in front of you.
On a recent Mind Your Game podcast episode, we sat down with Grace van der Byl, a world-record holder in long-distance swimming. What stood out wasn’t her records, it was her language around meeting the moment. Not forcing it. Not fixing it. Meeting it with complete honesty.
Golfers are wired to move on fast.
“Forget it.”
“Next shot.”
“Stay positive.”
Those phrases sound disciplined, but psychology tells a more nuanced story.
You cannot move on from a moment you haven’t fully met.
When something goes wrong, a missed short putt, a penalty, a double that shouldn’t have happened, there’s often pressure to stay upbeat and keep going. But unacknowledged emotion doesn’t disappear.
It leaks.
It leaks into tension, into rushed decisions, and into swings that feel forced instead of free.
Research in emotional regulation shows that when emotions are ignored, the nervous system stays activated. Focus narrows. Awareness shrinks. Decision-making suffers. Meeting the moment doesn’t mean dwelling. Instead, it means being truthful.
“This hurts.”
“That was disappointing.”
“This isn’t what I wanted.”
That honesty is not weakness. In fact, it is the doorway to true recovery.
Why Golfers Must Pause Before They Pivot
Here’s the neuroscience behind it.
The emotional brain reacts first… always. It’s fast. Protective. Loud. If we skip that step and jump straight to “fixing,” the thinking brain never fully comes online.
That’s why “just hit a good shot” rarely works when you’re upset.
Studies show that naming emotion reduces its intensity and restores cognitive flexibility. In simple terms: when you acknowledge what’s real, your brain regains access to options. At MPGA we often say “name it to tame it.”
Sometimes… the most high-performance move you can make on the course is not a swing thought, but rather a strategic pause.
A pause to feel the disappointment.
A pause to let the body settle.
A pause to stop fighting reality.
That pause sets up the pivot.
The Golfer’s Pivot: From Emotion to Execution
Elite golfers don’t stay emotional, but they don’t suppress it either. They transition. Psychologists call this cognitive reappraisal, the skill of reframing a situation to regain control and forward momentum. Golfers experience it as the shift from reaction to response.
It sounds like this:
“What’s still in my control?”
“What does this hole require from me now?”
“What’s the next committed shot—not the perfect one?”
This is where letting go begins.
Letting go of the last hole.
Letting go of expectations.
Letting go of the round you thought you were having.
And committing fully to the one you’re in.
Letting Go Is Not Passive: It’s Strategic
Golf punishes attachment.
Attachment to score.
Attachment to outcome.
Attachment to how the round should look.
Another term my students often hear me say at MPGA is: “high involvement, low attachment.” When a player can get immersed in their process and let go of attaching to any result, they often discover greatness in those moments. In golf, as in life, unforeseen circumstances are guaranteed: bad lies, bad bounces, bad breaks. Letting go doesn’t mean lowering standards.
It means releasing energy spent resisting reality so you can invest it where it still matters, which is on your routine, your commitment, your next decision.
High performers pivot quickly not because they don’t care, but because they care deeply about presence and momentum.
A Simple Mental Reset You Can Use This Round
When something unexpected happens, try this three-step reset:
Name it – “That was frustrating / disappointing.”
Normalize it – “That reaction makes sense.”
Navigate it – “What’s my next committed action?”
This sequence does three things:
It calms your nervous system
It restores clear thinking
It brings you back to the present shot
This is how you meet the moment—and move through it.
One Question Worth Putting in your Bag
What are you still holding onto, not because it helps your game, but because you haven’t fully met it yet?
Golf doesn’t ask you to be perfect. It asks you to be present.
And the golfers who last are the ones who grow, compete, and enjoy the game over time. These are the players who can meet the moment, tell the truth, and then pivot with intention.
That’s not just mental toughness. It’s mental mastery.
Watch a clip from Mind Your Game podcast Ep.5 conversation with Grace van der Byl here:
Your Mental Coach,
Dr. Mat