Embracing the Unknown
How to Stay Calm When Everything Feels Unstable
I was working with a pro golfer recently—let’s call him Alex—who walked into our session with his shoulders slumped and eyes sunken.
He said, “I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I’ve put in the hours. I’ve trained harder than ever. But the results? They’re just not there. I feel like everything around me is moving and I’m the only one standing still.”
Alex wasn’t just talking about golf. He was talking about life.
When you’re chasing something big—a tour card, a startup dream, a major breakthrough—it’s easy to feel like the world is shifting under your feet. One day you feel sharp, the next you question your talent. One month you’re surviving, the next you're wondering if you’ll make rent. You scroll social media and see others “winning,” and it makes your doubt scream even louder.
Fear of the unknown is one of the most universal struggles in high performance. And yet, how you respond to it can define your career, your confidence, and your character.
Why Fear of the Unknown Feels So Overwhelming
Neuroscience shows that our brains are wired to crave certainty. A study from University College London found that uncertainty activates the same regions in the brain as physical pain. That means when you’re not sure about your future, your income, or your next result, your brain interprets it as a threat.
Not knowing what’s coming creates a spiral:
You fixate on what you can’t control
You doubt your preparation and talent
You overanalyze everything
You lose your ability to play free
This fear isn’t weakness. It’s your biology. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck.
A Mental Performance Shift: The “Control Anchor”
Here’s the tool I taught Alex. I call it the Control Anchor. It’s simple, repeatable, and powerful.
When the chaos hits and everything feels uncertain, anchor yourself to three things you can control:
Your breath
Your intention
Your behavior
Let’s break it down.
1. Breathe First
Your breath is your reset button.
When fear kicks in, your breathing speeds up, your body tenses, and your mind races. But when you take one slow breath, you tell your nervous system: I’m safe.
Try this:
Inhale for 4 seconds
Hold for 2 seconds
Exhale for 6 seconds
Repeat 3 times
Do this before a tee shot, before checking your bank account, or before stepping into a conversation that matters.
2. Set Your Intention
You can’t control your past. You can’t control your competitors. But you can control how you want to show up.
Ask yourself:
“What’s my intention for this moment right now?”
It might be:
To stay composed under pressure
To commit fully to this swing
To speak honestly
To give full effort, regardless of the outcome
Setting an intention doesn’t guarantee a win. But it gives you clarity when everything else feels noisy.
3. Control Your Behavior
You don’t have to feel confident to act with courage.
Choose one small behavior you can control today. It might be:
Completing your pre-shot routine on every hole
Turning off your phone for one hour to train
Writing down three things that went well after a round
Reaching out to someone instead of isolating
This is what psychologists call behavioral activation—taking action even when your mind resists. It builds momentum and reminds you that you're not powerless.
What Happened With Alex
We practiced his Control Anchor over a series of weeks. Not every round was a breakthrough. But something changed—his posture, his tone, his sense of calm.
He told me, “It’s weird—I still don’t know what’s coming, but I’m not afraid of it anymore.”
That’s the point. The goal isn’t to eliminate uncertainty. The goal is to stand firm when it shows up.
Final Thought
You might feel unstable right now.
Maybe your preparation hasn’t paid off yet.
Maybe your finances are tight.
Maybe your results don’t reflect your effort.
But your breath is still with you.
Your intention is still yours to set.
Your next action is still your choice to make.
So the next time fear whispers, “You don’t have what it takes,” respond with something stronger:
“Maybe not yet. But I know what I’m about.”
Question for you:
What’s one thing you can control today that reflects the kind of person or player you want to be?
Start there. That’s where calm begins.
Your Mental Coach,
Dr. Mat